For many, if not most, adopted people they miss the biologically genetic mirroring with their birth mothers. Especially if adopted as a baby. This early mirroring is not just a baby recognising it’s mother. Its important in the development of self. A mother stares into her child’s eyes as she feeds it and the biological connection made in utero overspills post birth. The child feels at a cellular level this connection, this love , this empathy. After all they share DNA strands and much more.
It’s not able to be replicated with an adoptive mother because the mirroring with birth mother is a chemical response linked to maternal hormones. The adopted child is therefore forced to take on a self that mirrors the adoptive parent. It’s unnatural and although the baby adapts it’s not really as it should be and baby knows it unconsciously.
I remember looking in the mirror as a teenager. All teens spend a lot of time in front of the mirror don’t they? Looking deep into my own eyes and screwing up my face trying to imagine myself as an adult. I wondered if the face I saw looking back was like my birth mothers.
Luckily for me I reunited with my birth mother and was able to see myself reflected in her. But for many adoptees this isn’t the case. They never get to see who they inherit their traits from.
We are not, as some might suggest, born as blank slates. We have a genetic and emotional history.
Adoptive parents need to recognise this otherwise adoptees grow up in a shit storm of bewilderment and a monumental feeling of being lost.